it was really, really stupid of me to think i had a chance anyway. you’re everything i could ever want in someone and i’m just an awkward little girl. which is cool.

so, i felt like doing this for the hell of it, but didn’t wanna post it on my active tumblr so i’m gonna write it on this. I’m not gonna cover the whole thing I’m just gonna cover the part that went really really really bad.

basically, about two and a half hours after ingestion, i was sitting in my backyard around 1:30am with three other people, who had tripped a bunch of times. i was sitting there and everything was fine, and i closed my eyes and felt myself slip out of my body. sounds stupid, but thats what happened. like all of my insides and being and shit fell out of my body, and i was sitting in a chair, seeing unbelievably intense black and white visuals, like something that would be in a hypnoses wheel. there was no emotion, no thoughts, no fear, nothing. i wasn’t even a person, or a being, i was just something seeing these visions. i felt an intense feeling of being pulled into these visions, to let go and go with them. 

then, i remember being shaken back into consciousness, laying on the cement of my patio with one of the girls i was frying with yelling over me and my brother and his friend standing above me looking concerned. i asked what happened. for about half a minute, i wasn’t even sure what i was doing outside. my brother decided to help me inside, where i collapsed in the doorway. i don’t remember that. all i can remember is waking up in the hallway. turns out, i had fallen in the doorway, gotten up, and walked to the hallway where i passed out again for long enough that my dad managed to find me and my brother. he just thinks i had been drinking which isn’t as bad as the truth, but either way, it wasn’t good.

later, the girl who woke me up told me i had a severe seizure. like exorcist kind of shit. the next few times i smoked weed, i had the same paranoid feelings i got after i had my seizure, and had semi-flashbacks. they eventually went away. 

that’s all ~

I want you. I want you so fucking much. I’ve never wanted someone like I want you, and that scares me, because I know that i’m wanting something that has more chances of breaking my heart than not. 

On friday I got up, got driven to school, got to go to my new classes, waited around afterschool with my friend and got picked up by my other friends, gotten driven around, went home, got ready, went to my friends. Chilled out on the couch, smoked and watched the butterfly effect, went to bed. SATURDAYYYY, got up, got ready, walked home. cleaned a bit, went grocery shopping with my mom & our my brothers friend/our friend/room mate, came home, got ready again while they made enchiladas, ate them, got picked up, and went downtown. ventured around downtown looking for the concert we were going too, found it, paid, went in, met up with some people we like and danced and screamed and shit. left, ran around and fucked around downtown, got picked up, dropped off my friend, came home & almost got to smoke a bowl but didn’t, passed out and woke up. nao on soonday, i got up, showered, cleaned out the garage with my mom/dad/brother/brothers friend that lived with us and nooow i’m about to go learn how to longboard.

good a$$ weekend niggas.